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Topic by DAN posted 09-23-2008 06:22 AM 8495 views 0 times favorited 30 replies Add to Favorites Watch
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DAN

44 posts in 3825 days

09-23-2008 06:22 AM

Topic tags/keywords: humor tip hammer framing nails lumber

Photobucket

-- danwalters@lumberjocks.com



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PaBull

701 posts in 3771 days

09-24-2008 01:19 AM

hahahahahaha…..

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DAN

44 posts in 3825 days

09-24-2008 02:55 AM

a little stick humor to get things startedPhotobucket

-- danwalters@lumberjocks.com

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DAN

44 posts in 3825 days

09-25-2008 07:24 AM

Photobucket

-- danwalters@lumberjocks.com

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DAN

44 posts in 3825 days

09-26-2008 06:20 AM

Some funny police quotes

“The handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.”

“If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”

“So, you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?”

“Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?”

“Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”

“The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?”

“Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”

“Life’s tough, it’s tougher if you’re stupid.”

“No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we want.”

“Just how big were those two beers?

“In God we trust, all others are suspects.”

-- danwalters@lumberjocks.com

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DAN

44 posts in 3825 days

09-27-2008 07:52 PM

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DAN

44 posts in 3825 days

09-30-2008 04:36 AM

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

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-- danwalters@lumberjocks.com

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DAN

44 posts in 3825 days

10-01-2008 04:44 AM

Photobucket

-- danwalters@lumberjocks.com

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DAN

44 posts in 3825 days

10-01-2008 06:44 AM

Photobucket

-- danwalters@lumberjocks.com

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DAN

44 posts in 3825 days

10-02-2008 03:00 AM

Photobucket

-- danwalters@lumberjocks.com

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DAN

44 posts in 3825 days

10-03-2008 06:26 AM

Photobucket

-- danwalters@lumberjocks.com

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DAN

44 posts in 3825 days

10-04-2008 02:16 AM

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

-- danwalters@lumberjocks.com

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DAN

44 posts in 3825 days

10-05-2008 06:15 AM

Photobucket

-- danwalters@lumberjocks.com

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DAN

44 posts in 3825 days

10-06-2008 06:11 AM

Photobucket

-- danwalters@lumberjocks.com

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DAN

44 posts in 3825 days

10-07-2008 06:11 AM

Photobucket

Photobucket

-- danwalters@lumberjocks.com

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DAN

44 posts in 3825 days

10-08-2008 03:59 AM

Photobucket

-- danwalters@lumberjocks.com

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DAN

44 posts in 3825 days

10-13-2008 03:21 AM

Photobucket

-- danwalters@lumberjocks.com

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DAN

44 posts in 3825 days

10-14-2008 04:19 AM

Photobucket

-- danwalters@lumberjocks.com

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DAN

44 posts in 3825 days

10-15-2008 02:28 AM

Photobucket

-- danwalters@lumberjocks.com

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dustygirl

321 posts in 3612 days

11-08-2008 04:16 PM

Pretty funny Dan.Love your sense of humor.

-- Dustygirl Hastings,Ont. Life is too short to sit around doing nothing

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DAN

44 posts in 3825 days

11-11-2008 12:41 AM

Photobucket

-- danwalters@lumberjocks.com

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lindaj448

2 posts in 3532 days

01-20-2009 08:25 PM

I hope you guys will appreciate this. Next time I’ll see if I can find answers to all about Dad.

Answers given by 2nd grade school children

Why did God make mothers?

1. She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.

2. Mostly to clean the house.

3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?

1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.

2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.

3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He Just used
bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?

1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything
nice in the world and one dab of mean.

2. They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly
use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?

1. We’re related.

2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s moms like
me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?

1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.

2. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be
pretty Bossy.

3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?

1. His last name.

2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get
drunk on beer?

3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and
YES to chores?

Why did your Mom marry your dad?

1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a
lot.

2. She got too old to do anything else with him.

3. My grandma says that Mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.

Who’s the boss at your house?

1. Mom doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because dad’s such a
goofball.

2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under
the bed.

3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than
dad.

What’s the difference between moms and dads?

1. Moms work at work and work at home, & dads just go to work at
work.

2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.

3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power
‘cause that’s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your
friend’s. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without
medicine.

What does your Mom do in her spare time?

1. Mothers don’t do spare time.

2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your Mom perfect?

1. On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind
of plastic surgery.

2. Diet. You know, her hair. I’d diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?

1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I’d get
rid of that.

2. I’d make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister
who did it and not me.

3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on her
back of her head.

Cheers
Linda
Seattle, WA
spray foam insulation

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GregfromKitchener

8 posts in 3528 days

01-27-2009 08:17 PM

Diet you know her hair maybe blue LOL Love these.

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DAN

44 posts in 3825 days

02-09-2009 04:34 AM



-- danwalters@lumberjocks.com

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PaBull

701 posts in 3771 days

02-20-2009 01:30 AM

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
GEORGE W. BUSH We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.
AL GORE I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.
RALPH NADER The chicken’s habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
PAT BUCHANAN To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
RUSH LIMBAUGH I don’t know why the chicken crossed the road, but I’ll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I’ll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I’m talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.
JERRY FALWELL Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the “other side.” That’s what they call it – the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens ‘til we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like “the other side.”
DR. SEUSS Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
But why he crossed, I’ve not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY To die. In the rain. Alone.
GRANDPA In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
BARBARA WALTERS Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went onto accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.
ARISTOTLE It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX It was a historical inevitability.
SADDAM HUSSEIN This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
VOLTAIRE I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.
RONALD REAGAN What chicken?
CAPTAIN KIRK To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FOX MULDER You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
SIGMUND FREUD The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook- and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
MARTHA STEWART No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer’s market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
ALBERT EINSTEIN Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?
COLONEL SANDERS I missed one?

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hardwoodflooring

68 posts in 3316 days

09-06-2009 04:33 PM

These posts were pretty good. It was a good break from the action.

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AaronJoseph

3 posts in 3188 days

01-06-2010 05:00 AM

Cool, looks great.

-- ugg boots

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AaronJoseph

3 posts in 3188 days

01-06-2010 05:04 AM

This is very Nice post you mentioned here.

-- ugg boots

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DAWG

1 post in 2969 days

08-06-2010 10:43 AM

John decides he wants to be a hog farmer in addittion to his regular job and his wife agrees. The old farmer down the road tells him to buy two sows and he can mate them with his hog. So John buys two sows over the weekend, gets up early Monday morning and loads them in the truck. He drives down the road to the farmers house and unloads the sows and there’s quite a ruckus at the farm all day. He goes to work and comes back that night and loads up the sows, takes them home and unloads them in the pen. He calls the farmer back and ask him “How will I know if it took”, the farmer says “If their eating grass in the morning it took” but “If their in the mud it didn’t”. The next morning John jumps out of bed looks out the window and the sows are in the mud. He calls the farmer and loads up the sows, hauls them down the road, unloads them, goes to work, comes home, goes to the farmers house, loads them back up, hauls them home, and unloads them in the pen. The next morning the same thing and this went on for a month. Finallly one morning John was so exalted that he asked his wife to look out the window for him.

John says sadly: Honey are my sows in the mud?

Wife: No

John says sitting up in bed: ARE THEY EATING THE GRASS?

Wife: No their in the truck blowing the horn.

-- -- Luke 23: 42-43

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DAN

44 posts in 3825 days

08-11-2012 12:40 AM

-- danwalters@lumberjocks.com

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Bohackv

3 posts in 726 days

12-13-2016 05:12 AM

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